Finally Dana

“Are you coming to Proud?”

The little middle school girl ran up to me in the hallway. I had never spoken to her before yet she was asking if I would come to the school’s first meeting of our version of the GSA. 

She asked me this because I am visibly transgender. 

I wish I was “stealth” or that I effortlessly passed as a woman. I wish that I could just go to the grocery store in a hoodie and sweatpants and be called “Miss.” However, I am transgender and fairly obviously so. Visibility can be hard, but it can also provide an opportunity to help and to advocate.

I am a leader in a local school district. As an administrator, I have the opportunity to influence policy at a greater level than most. Every day I aim to do the most good I can. I strive to keep a focus on equity and to be an ethical and competent leader. Holding myself to high standards is not unique. I am constantly amazed by the passion, intelligence, and experience of the people I get to work with. I strive to hold my own and make real positive contributions. I am also very aware of my standing as a transgender employee.

I expect that I am the only transgender person the vast majority of my colleagues have ever interacted with. Like most minority populations, this unfortunate uniqueness imposes unfair and unfounded expectations and responsibilities. I feel pressure to be, in the words of Ta-Nehisi Coats “twice as good.” Much of this pressure may be self-imposed, but I want to prove to everyone that being trans has no impact on a person’s ability to do a good job and to pull their own weight. I want to prove that it doesn’t matter that I have a ridiculous number of doctors appointment, I will still put in as many or more hours than anyone else. I will never fall behind.

More important than the example I might set to my coworkers is the example I can show my students. I often think of what it would have meant to me if a leader in my district was transgender. It would have, in all sincerity, changed my life. I want to show trans and questioning kids that they can be themselves and live their truth while still maintaining a great job and being respected by peers. I want to demonstrate to my cis-gender and straight students that their trans peers are not odd or unusual and deserve to be treated with respect.

Visibility and representation are important. As the only out transgender employee in the history of my district, I am a singular representative for an entire population. While transitioning has been emotionally exhausting, I have a responsibility to use my platform for advocacy. I embrace this opportunity. 

My story is being written every day. I can decide what that story will be and how it will matter. It is not fair that I am the only transgender employee at my job. It’s not fair that trans kids rarely have someone like them that they can look up to and it’s not fair that I cannot just pass as the woman I am. I can wallow in that unfairness or I can celebrate the fact that I have been given the unique opportunity to do some significant and positive good in the world.

I am blessed to be visibly transgender.