Finally Dana

This post is inspired by and written in the style of “Girl” by Jamaica Kincaid (link here)

Boys don’t like dolls. You can’t wear a dress. Why did you paint your nails? wash that off right now. Boys play sports. God doesn’t make mistakes. Homosexuality is an abomination. What is an abomination? Did you know God destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah because there were men wearing women’s clothing? What if they were not men on the inside? You like sports and climbing trees, you can’t be a girl. Boys play with guns and go hunting and fishing so you need to play with guns and go hunting and fishing. Why are you listening to that music people might wonder about you. But I like this music. Boys don’t cross their legs like that, they cross them like this. Someone asked if you were gay, you have to be more careful. Maybe it’s just a fetish, maybe this will go away. Maybe you just like to cross dress, but you can still be a man. You need to get rid of all these clothes, this is sinful and what if someone finds out? You need to date girls and get in fights. You need to root loudly for the Packers and get angry when your team loses. It’s OK to get angry and be loud, that’s what men do. Stop crying, boys don’t cry. Stop it, quick, leave the room or someone will see you cry. Your friends want to dress as Disney princesses for Halloween, you can’t do that, people might think you enjoy it and they might guess. You and your girlfriend broke up, you have to find another one right away. Having a girlfriend makes you seem more like a man. This is not going away, but it’s OK, you can keep it buried. A lot of people have their own struggles. You are not an alcoholic, you are not bi-polar, you don’t have anger issues. Feeling as if you were meant to be a girl is your thing, you need to live with it. You will never be 100% happy, but maybe someday you can be 75% or even 80% happy and that’s pretty good. Things are bad right now, what is the point of going on. Is 80% happy enough, is it even possible? You need to keep faking it, you will lose everything if anyone finds out. You have a great life, great friends, and a great job, why are you thinking of risking them all?  Be strong, boys are strong, don’t let anyone see you, don’t let anyone know. Stop crying all the time.